Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
