Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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