I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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