You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
