Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
