Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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