it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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