My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
