I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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