Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize