new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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