you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
