Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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