im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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