I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
