Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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