mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
