I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
