dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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