I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You don't make any sense
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