Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't notice because vodka
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
