If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
