put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
