i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
