Will you blow on my dice?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
