Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
