He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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