Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
