Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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