when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wanna passion pit in your ass
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
