never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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