Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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