I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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