they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
