Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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