So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm always down for nudity.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
