it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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