I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
