That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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