his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
