I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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