so that wasnt chicken after all
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
