So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
