So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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