make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
