$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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