theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
