just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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