no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
