my phone needs a breathalizer
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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