What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
