I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
