Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
