On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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