fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
