The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
