I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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