we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize