I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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