Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
