My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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