So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
