how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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