Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
