I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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