you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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