You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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