Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
