I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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