Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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