Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
