Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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