i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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