I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
