I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
