After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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