You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
