Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
