Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize