after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
