I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
