You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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