Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
